This is going to be hard for me to write, it may not ever get posted. I just read a draft of something I never posted...I am an interesting creature. So, here it goes:
I am having a hard time trying to settle my emotions with the new ruling from the Supreme Court on gay marriage. For lots of reasons. Maybe someone out there that understands my thoughts will be able to help me figure this out, so here it goes:
I feel like I am a loving and forgiving person. It is hard for me to hear people say that "Love won." I disagree, but first, I am LDS (Mormon) I am so grateful for my testimony that I have, I am grateful for my membership in the church. I go to church, I strive to keep the commandments, I pray with my children, I read scriptures with them. I want them to have their own testimonies and I want to be with them forever. I believe that is possible, I believe that is the ultimate goal we are all striving for. All of us, together. I also realize that there are those that don't believe in God. But I do.
When I think about the blessings of Eternity, I want that for everyone. Even people that I don't know. I don't want people to settle for anything less. I get that they have their agency. Trust me I do, I still have hope for them. I still want them to know what I know. I don't want to be accused of being judgmental and not loving, because that is not what my problem is, my problem is that I love people too much. I want them to fight the good fight and not sacrifice the eternities for the here and now. The same things that I want for my children I want for others. That to me is love, I love people and want what is best for them, well, what I feel is best. Maybe that is my biggest problem...
I am not being judgmental, I know that we all have sins, we all have things we need to work on and do better. I don't think I am perfect (I hear that one too) but seriously, look at me, I am fat. That is in no way perfect. It goes against the teaching of the Church. I don't want to be fat, but I am. I am tired of hearing, "exercise, eat right, drink water" and you will lose weight. That hasn't happened for me. I have been working on this for a long time, and I mean a L O N G time. I've tried a lot of things, I have gone to therapy, I have gone to Drs. I am not looking for pity here, just understanding that I get that we all have trials and things we need to work on. I am also not looking for a change in my religion to make me feel more comfortable with my trial. I want to improve and live within the guidelines the church has given. Can you imagine what that would look like if I wanted that?...I want everyone to be fat so I feel better. I want all the gyms across the country to close, I want people to get fined for exercising, I want healthy food to be abolished. Let's get serious.
I can compromise and let gay people marry, I disagree with it and I want better for them, but I understand agency. However, I don't want to be called intolerant because I disagree. I don't want to be sued for not baking them a cake or whatever. I want that same tolerance to go both ways, but it doesn't for some people. I don't see this ending until my religious liberties are gone, and that is what I am really afraid of . I'm afraid it won't end until I am not allowed to worship how I would like to. Is anyone else afraid of not being about to go to church, not being able to go to the Temple, not being able to pray, not being able to teach their children about Jesus Christ and God? Because that is where we are headed. I am not afraid of people marrying who they want, again I disagree and I want better for them, but it doesn't really affect me...yet.
I wonder if those that are excited about the new ruling understand what all of this really means, what it means that one branch of our government was powerful enough to make this change all on it's own.
1 year ago
3 comments:
Well said, Sorena. I'm afraid of the very same thing.
I am writing to share my thoughts, not necessarily be an answer. Hopefully we can find that together!
I write posts all the time that never get posted--it is therapeutic! I feel the same way, the frustration that because you voice your opinion means you aren't a loving person and wondering what this means in the future. I actually shed tears from fear and frustration and didn't sleep well! I have thought a lot about it since. And I don't understand how they say love won. No one ever denied them the ability to love who they want. I voted against changing marriage and will always do so, but I will not participate in a march or lock the door type of thing. I agree with you, let them marry if they want. I will continue to say what God has said.
One thing I thought of was the difference in perspective that I believe this life is part of God's plan a portion of our existence and others don't see it that way-they want to have the discussion without God and I can't because all things are spiritual. I am not sure it would help another person, but it helped me then see where they are coming from a little better--if I were to ever talk face to face in defense of my belief's maybe I could start there. I also believe that we will never have the gospel taken away again, that brings me comfort. I don't know what is going to happen but I know God does. He will guide His prophet, His apostles and He will guide me and you. It seems like the commandments are getting a bit mixed up. We are to love God and then love our fellowman. I believe that God will help us defend our belief's and still keep the second commandment because they both come from Him. Nephi showed us that we will be given divine help when we are trying to be obedient. I don't know what that looks like exactly, but through prayer we will be guided. I worry that policies may change, like a civil marriage first, but I don't think we will be denied going to the temple. I could be wrong, but if that happens we will be looking for Christ any minute!
I agree it isn't just this issue, it is more scary thinking about how fast our government is changing. I have to remind myself to live in faith. God knows. It has to happen before Christ comes. I get so scared, but then I choose to have faith again.
I can honestly say that to me this ruling should be a wake-up call. I want to teach my children the right way, but more importantly I want my children to grow up strong independent people to think that they are important enough to make change and I personally feel that maybe that is where we as a community and society of fallen short. Those that spoke the loudest won, why didn't we speak up more? Why didn't we who understand the doctrine of the family take a more pro-active stance instead of saying the Lord will provide. The doctrine is to be preached from the roof tops but if I don't teach my children in my own home to be strong independent people, then they will never be strong enough to preach it from their roof tops. I have come to the conclusion that now I may not be able to change what has happened but hopefully for the times in the future I will be stronger and hopefully I will show my children that they can't just rely on me to stand up for them, they have to do for themselves. They have to gain their own testimonies, have their own families, and live their own lives. I much teach and proclaim louder to them most importantly. My generation is a generation of people who do nothing, and the select few who do normally get their way because nobody is standing in their way. How can I teach others if I never leave my house. How can my children truly develop their own testimonies if I never let them try, I must try harder to teach them, so that they can be strong influences in the world. As much as I want to hold them tight, keep them close, I'm realizing that more importantly I must teach my children to stand and stand where nobody else is. I must let them move on into their own lives, homes, and families to stand up, and to stand up tall and defend our country and gospel. I love you and miss you Sorena!
Post a Comment